10 Things Successful People Never Do Again

We all make mistakes but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

Henry Cloud       

“Never go back.” What does that mean? From observations of successful people, clinical psychologist and author of Never Go Back: 10 Things You'll Never Do Again (Howard Books, June 2014), Dr. Henry Cloud has discovered certain “awakenings” that people have—in life and in business—that once they have them, they never go back to the old way of doing things. And when that happens, they are never the same. In short, they got it.
“Years ago, a bad business decision of mine led to an interesting discussion with my mentor,” Dr. Cloud says. “I had learned a valuable lesson the hard way, and he reassured me: ‘The good thing is once you learn that lesson, you never go back. You never do it again.’
“I wondered, what are the key awakenings that successful people go through that forever change how they do things, which propel them to succeed in business, relationships, and life? I began to study these awakenings, researching them over the years.”
Although life and business have many lessons to teach us, Dr. Cloud observed 10 “doorways” of learning that high performers go through, never to return again.
Successful people never again…   

1. Return to what hasn’t worked.

Whether a job, or a broken relationship that was ended for a good reason, we should never go back to the same thing, expecting different results, without something being different.

2. Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not.

In everything we do, we have to ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Am I suited for it? Does it fit me? Is it sustainable?” If the answer is no to any of these questions, you better have a very good reason to proceed.

3. Try to change another person.

When you realize that you cannot force someone into doing something, you give him or her freedom and allow them to experience the consequences. In doing so, you find your own freedom as well.

4. Believe they can please everyone.

Once you get that it truly is impossible to please everyone, you begin to live purposefully, trying to please the right people.

5. Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit.

Once successful people know they want something that requires a painful, time-limited step, they do not mind the painful step because it gets them to a long-term benefit. Living out this principle is one of the most fundamental differences between successful and unsuccessful people, both personally and professionally.

6. Trust someone or something that appears flawless.

It’s natural for us to be drawn to things and people that appear "incredible." We love excellence and should always be looking for it. We should pursue people who are great at what they do, employees who are high performers, dates who are exceptional people, friends who have stellar character, and companies that excel. But when someone or something looks too good to be true, he, she, or it is. The world is imperfect. Period. No one and no thing is without flaw, and if they appear that way, hit pause.

7. Take their eyes off the big picture.

We function better emotionally and perform better in our lives when we can see the big picture. For successful people, no one event is ever the whole story. Winners remember that—each and every day.

8. Neglect to do due diligence.

No matter how good something looks on the outside, it is only by taking a deeper, diligent, and honest look that we will find out what we truly need to know: the reality that we owe ourselves.

9. Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves.

One of the biggest differences between successful people and others is that in love and in life, in relationships and in business, successful people always ask themselves, what part am I playing in this situation? Said another way, they do not see themselves only as victims, even when they are.

10. Forget that their inner life determines their outer success.

The good life sometimes has little to do with outside circumstances. We are happy and fulfilled mostly by who we are on the inside. Research validates that. And our internal lives largely contribute to producing many of our external circumstances.
And, the converse is true: people who are still trying to find success in various areas of life can almost always point to one or more of these patterns as a reason they are repeating the same mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes…even the most successful people out there. But, what achievers do better than others is recognize the patterns that are causing those mistakes and never repeat them again. In short, they learn from pain—their own and the pain of others.
A good thing to remember is this: pain is unavoidable, but repeating the same pain twice, when we could choose to learn and do something different, is certainly avoidable. I like to say, “we don’t need new ways to fail….the old ones are working just fine!” Our task, in business and in life, is to observe what they are, and never go back to doing them again. 
10 Things Successful People Never Do Again

3 Science-Based Mind Hacks to Get Into Flow

Flow is an optimal state of consciousness where you feel your best and perform your best.

Have you ever lost an entire afternoon to an engaging conversation? Or become so involved in a work project that everything else was forgotten? Then you’ve experienced firsthand what is known as “flow state.”
The best definition for this psychological event I’ve ever heard is this: “[Flow is] an optimal state of consciousness where we feel our best and perform our best.”
When you are in this state, every action, each decision, leads effortlessly, fluidly, seamlessly to the next. It’s high-speed problem-solving; it’s being swept away by the river of ultimate performance.

Related: How to Exponentially Improve Your Performance

Now, before you dismiss this as a New Age idea, consider the research. For more than 150 years, flow has been studied, picked apart and analyzed. It sits at the heart of almost every athletic championship, underpins major scientific breakthroughs and accounts for significant progress in the arts.
As Richard Branson says, “In two hours [in flow], I can accomplish tremendous things… It’s like there’s no challenge I can’t meet.”
How can we achieve this highly focused, productive, satisfying state of mind? In the 1970s, pioneering flow researcher Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi identified three critical areas for triggering flow:

Trigger 1: Clear Goals

Goals tell us where to put our attention, and what we focus on becomes our results.
The key to creating clear goals which trigger the flow state is breaking down larger overarching goals into smaller subgoals. Clarity is of the utmost importance for staying present in finding flow.
With clarity from goal setting, the mind doesn’t have to expend energy thinking about what to do next. It already knows. This tightened concentration heightens motivation. Action and awareness start to merge, and it is at this point that we are pulled even deeper into the now, into the flow state.

Trigger 2: Immediate Feedback

As a focusing mechanism, immediate feedback is something of an extension of clear goals.
The better, more accurate the feedback, the more clarity we receive. Again, it is this clarity that allows our minds to relax and enter the now state, the trigger for flow.
Imagine for a moment if you implemented this in your work right now. What would happen if you were to tighten feedback loops? If you asked for and received more regular input from others—imagine that instead of quarterly reviews, it became daily reviews?
Immediate feedback polishes clarity further. With the constant tweaking of your goals through feedback, you’ll quickly develop a habit response of dropping into the flow state.

Trigger 3: The Challenge/Skill Ratio

Have you ever been tasked with a project that you felt was too challenging? Then you’ve experienced fear swamping your system. The most important psychological trigger for flow is being able to match the difficulty of the task and your ability to perform it.
While we all want to strive to push ourselves to bigger, better things, there is a danger in pushing too hard.
Flow appears near the emotional midpoint between boredom and anxiety. That means the most productive you will ever be is when you are engaged and confident in the tasks you have been assigned.

The Good News About Flow

Flow is already preprogrammed into your brain. It’s part of your evolutionary design and is a built-in feature of being human.
Cultivating and practicing the triggers described above will allow you to spend more and more time each day in a flow state.
And once you achieve regular flow, you’ll notice an immediate increase in your ability to accomplish your goals. How? Because you’ll be more engaged in your work. You’ll discover connections that you didn’t realize existed before. You’ll be feeling and performing at your best.
And that alone is worth giving these triggers a try.

Source 3-science-based-mind-hacks-to-get-into-flow

The SUCCESS Best-Seller List: December 2016

The most popular books in business, entrepreneurship and personal development

Take a look at the top-selling personal development books of the past month, and you’ll see not all of them are new—that there are modern classics, like Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, and all-time classics, like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. But others, like Tim Ferriss’s Tools of Titans, are brand-new and already making waves in the self-improvement world.
For your journey to your best self, we continue our monthly list of the best-selling personal development books with the top 10 for December 2016:

1. Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers

By Tim Ferriss (December 2016; Houghton Mifflin; $27)
On his popular podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, Ferriss has interviewed top performers of every type. In this ultimate self-help book, he distills and tests the key insights from elite athletes, adventurers, entrepreneurs, executives, creative thinkers, researchers and more to help readers learn to become healthy, wealthy and wise.

2. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

By Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and Douglas Carlton Abrams (September 2016; Avery Publishing Group; $26)
Two spiritual giants. Five days. One timeless question: How do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering? This book offers a rare opportunity as Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama spend a week exploring the Nature of True Joy and confront each of the Obstacles of Joy (fear, stress, anger, grief, illness, death). Then they offer the Eight Pillars of Joy, which provide the foundation for lasting happiness. This unique collaboration offers a reflection on real lives filled with pain and turmoil, in the midst of which they have been able to discover a level of peace, courage and joy to which we can all aspire in our own lives.

3. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

By Jen Sincero (2013; Running Press; $16)
This refreshingly entertaining how-to guide serves up 27 bite-sized chapters full of hilariously inspiring stories, sage advice and easy exercises, helping you to create a life you will love. Identify and change the self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors that stop you from getting what you want—create a life you love and make some damn money already!

4. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

By Gary Chapman (2015; Northfield Publishing; $15.99)

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts and just plain boredom of everyday life? Whether your relationship is failing or flourishing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love is as practical as it is insightful. The 5 Love Languages includes a “his and hers” personal profile assessment. Updated to reflect the complexities of relationships today, the new edition reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant and actionable wisdom.

5. Trump: The Art of the Deal

By Donald J. Trump and Tony Schwartz (2015; Ballantine Books; $16.99)
President-elect Donald J. Trump lays out his professional and personal worldview in this classic work, a firsthand account of the rise of America s foremost deal-maker. See Trump in action, how he runs his organization and life as he meets people, chats with family and friends, clashes with enemies and challenges conventional thinking. He isolates the common elements in his greatest accomplishments. Trump: The Art of the Deal is an unguarded look at an entrepreneur’s mind and a must-read for anyone interested in the man behind the spotlight.

6. The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness

By Dave Ramsey (2013; Thomas Nelson; $24.99)
America's trusted voice on money and business provides a surefire way to whip your finances into shape with the simplest, most straightforward game plan for completely making over your money habits.

7. Jump: Take the Leap of Faith to Achieve Your Life of Abundance

By Steve Harvey (December 2016; Amistad Press; $25.99)
On January 13, 2016, at the close of taping an episode of Family Feud, Steve Harvey spontaneously began to speak. Not knowing that the cameras were still rolling, the $100 million host offered his studio audience insights into his own happiness and success. His staff, also moved by Steve’s words, shared the riveting six-minute video on social media. The clip immediately went viral, with more than 58 million views worldwide. His message is simple: You need to jump like your life depends on it, because it does if you truly want a life of peace and abundance.

. StrengthsFinder 2.0

By Tom Rath (2007; Gallup Press; $29.99)
Do you do what you do best every day? Chances are you don’t. All too often, our natural talents go untapped. From the cradle to the cubicle, we devote more time to fixing our shortcomings than to developing our strengths. Although you can read this book in one sitting, you’ll use it as a reference for decades. The redesigned StrengthsFinder 2.0 companion website features a strengths community, a library of downloadable discussion guides and activities, a strengths screensaver and a program for creating display cards of your top five strength themes.

9. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

By Mark Manson (September 2016; HarperOne; $24.99)
For decades we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. In his wildly popular blog, Mark Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is in a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach the lemons better. Once we embrace our fears, faults and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity and forgiveness we seek.

10. How to Win Friends and Influence People

By Dale Carnegie (1998 edition, originally published in 1936; Pocket Books; $16)
Go after the job you want and get it! Take the job you have and improve it! Take any situation you’re in and make it work for you! Since its release in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold more than 15 million copies. As relevant as ever, Dale Carnegie’s principles endure and will help you achieve your maximum potential in the complex and competitive modern age. Learn the six ways to make people like you, the 12 ways to win people to your way of thinking and the nine ways to change people without arousing resentment.

SUCCESS analyzes a combination of sales data acquired from Nielsen BookScan—which gathers point-of-sale data from more than 16,000 locations across the U.S.—and from a variety of independently verified sources within the personal development industry. This list represents sales from Dec. 4, 2016, through Jan. 1, 2017.