9 Practices for Achieving Emotional Maturity
Maturity, the essential characteristic of a
leader, does not just come with age. It is a goal we work to achieve.
Image credit: Shutterstock.com 
Contributor
Psychologist, Author, Speaker
Mental health is synonymous with maturity,
and maturity is born of responsibility. You cannot be mentally or emotionally
healthy if you are irresponsible. People with maturity understand a great
truth; they understand that life is difficult. In being able to cept this
fact about life, mature people learn to handle life in all of its difficulties,
not expecting it to be different. They have learned to accept that not
everything in life is going to be their way, show up in the way they thought it
would and nor will the world change on its axis to make them happier. Mature
people know for any change to happen it has to come from within themslves, and
this is where success or failure develop. The only way to live a more
fulfilling, successful and purpose-driven life is when the choice is made to
fully develop and live the attitudes and principles of a matured person.
To follow is a list of those attitudes and principles.
1.
Seekers of self-mastery.
Mature people are passionate about
self-development, psychology and understanding the inner workings of themselves
and the workings of the world. They are open to learn and apply the principles
they gain from their explorations in personal development to all areas of their
life. This type of growth-mindset keeps mature people living more conscious and
aware lives because they are able to live according to the life principles and
wisdom gained both trough their own and the experiences of others.
Mature people typically have a team around
them, from therapists to coaches to keep them in check and on the path to
living a life they love. Because they are supported, guided and in the action
of practicing the right attitudes and life principles, mature people more
easily overcome the challenges that life inevitably brings them. Through
self-mastery mature people learn the art of turning life’s lemons into
lemonade.
Life is going to be full of problems. The
acceptance of this allows mature people to stay calm and think more clearly
during life’s more difficult moments. The whole process of meeting and solving
problems is what gives life its deeper meaning. Mature people have established
the emotional intelligence necessary to understand that life’s difficulties are
the cutting edge of what distinguishes one from being a success or a failure.
Problems call forth our courage and wisdom.
It is only through being able to walk calmly and bravely through difficulties
that the mature develop any sense of trust in God, life or in themselves. It is
through this process they grow emotionally and mentally. As Benjamin Franklin
says “Those things that hurt, instruct.” The emotionally mature learn not
to dread, but to welcome life’s challenges for this very reason.
3. Positive attitude.
A positive attitude comes naturally to the
mature person. They have faith in the concept that with enough hard work,
patience and persistence things will work out. This type of attitude keeps
mature people in a state of harmony with themselves and others because from
their vantage point there is a way to make every situation a win-win
experience. They have mastered the principles of being in mutually beneficial
relationships and staying out of relationships which do not serve them or their
highest good.
4.
Independent.
Mature people have lived life and sought
personal growth which allows them the freedom of their independence. Through
commitment and life experience mature people have developed an independent
mindset and live life following the principles and purposes they have set for
themselves, regardless of what other people say and think. This sense of
independence brings fearlessness to their personality, and the resilience to be
true to who they are. These are not people who follow the crowd, or the establishment;
they follow their hearts, passions and desires.
5.
Delay gratification.
Mature people have found a way to ground
themselves in self-control. They know that those things worthy of their time
will require their patience, persistence and effort. Mature people are able to
delay gratification. They enhance their experiences of pleasure by first
dealing with and experiencing their pain and getting it over with. In other
words, they place their responsibilities before leisure as the only successful
way to live.
The mature are willing to tolerate feelings
of discomfort long enough to find solutions to their problems. An immediate
solution may represent gratification to many, but mature people know that the
best solutions come with delaying the need to get rid of the problem quickly.
The most lucrative solutions are found in the process of thinking through the
problem.
6. Truthful.
Mature people live with high integrity.
They are committed to knowing, hearing and working within the truth no matter
how hurtful or stressful that truth may be. Mature people are also willing and
committed to telling the truth even when it is humiliating and difficult for
oneself or another. They have an open mind to hear counsel and to respond to
reproof.
7.
Responsible.
Those with maturity live successful lives
because they spend zero time blaming others for their problems. They take
accountability for their actions as a way to further learn and grow. Life and
life’s circumstances, at the end of the day, have to be dealt with from our own
will and volition, and admitting wrong is woven deeply into the fabric of
mature people because they view humility and admitting wrong as steps up the
mountain, not steps going backward.The mature person is able to understand that
life is what they make it. That every person’s destiny is within their choice.
Those with maturity live life making conscious decisions knowing that whatever
the result is, they are the one’s responsible.
8.
Accessible.
The emotionally mature understand the most
important thing they can give relationships, projects, goals or business is
their time. When a person with maturity loves something and it is of value to
them, they spend time with it, working on it, taking care of it and enjoying
it. They value themselves and therefore see their time as valuable and they
have the deep desire to use their time well. For this reason, they are open to
interruption and will make themselves accessible whenever it is important.
Because they value themselves and their own time they also value the time they
give and spend with others, and make those commitments a priority in their
lives.
9.
Gracious and giving.
Mature people live with a natural feeling
of thankfulness and appreciation for the expansive range of people, events and
circumstances in their lives. Because maturity is based in responsibility,
mature people live with higher levels of happiness and lower levels of
depression and stress. The emotionally mature turn their happiness into sharing
and generosity. They offer helpful services to others as a way to spread their
own wealth and joy in ways that circle back. When their giving circles back,
the emotionally mature experience even deeper levels of pleasure, personal
satisfaction and gratitude for what they have been given in life to now gift
back.
In short, maturity is a choice for
everyone. The more you value who you are and what you have to offer, the more
responsible you will be in taking care of yourself, your finances, your time,
and your personal life. You can choose to live as a mature person. You can
choose to live consciously with established principles and attitudes, or you
can choose to live continuously beaten up and defeated by the struggles and
miseries of life. Albert Ellis says it best, “The best years of your life are
the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them
on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control
your own destiny.”
Sherrie Campbell
Sherrie Campbell is a psychologist in Yorba Linda, Calif., with two decades of clinical training and experience in providing counseling and psychotherapy services. She is the author of Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Ow...
No comments:
Post a Comment